I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
