girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
