Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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