I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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