you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
