Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
