I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
