I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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