i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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