I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
