Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will be naked everywhere
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
