do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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