Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
