im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
