Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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