ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We left the knife in your bed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
