I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
