If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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