At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
