you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
