rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
