in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
