How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
