is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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