I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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