We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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