laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
