Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
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