so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
