i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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