Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize