MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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