It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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