that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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