i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
