Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
