I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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