just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
