I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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