3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
