As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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