yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
