I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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