I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
