I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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