epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
