1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
this just has baby written all over it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
