I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
is wine microwaveable?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
