if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we're making bets on your personal life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
