I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
