Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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