Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
