bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
