she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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