and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize