I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
