Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
