i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
