just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
