This girl is more easily done than said...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
