i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
