Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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