Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
