I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
