He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
