through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
