This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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