I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
