this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
