My cat gives me a boner
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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