Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
