i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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